every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
