you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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