the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
