Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
