This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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