Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
