I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
