Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
