my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
