dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
