i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
