I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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