you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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