I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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