I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
