She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
