I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
