I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
