I faked an abortion last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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