I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
