Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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