after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
