As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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