how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
