No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
