And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
