i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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