Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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