So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
