john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
