whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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