And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
