he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
