put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
