You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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