i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
