How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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