Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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