Don't make out with my wife yet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
