well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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