Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
