dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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