you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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