We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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