sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
