hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
