I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no you cant smoke seaweed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
