Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
