Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
