So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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