Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
