where am i from again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
