You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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