wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
