it hurts more in the daytime
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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