So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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