and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
