I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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