she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
