my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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