my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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