My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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