whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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