Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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