He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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